What’s your energy balance? (Love part 3)

This week within the month of love, we talk about two different types of energy we carry within us, referred to as masculine and feminine (independent of the gender we identify with), or yin and yang, or Shakti and Shiva. We look into what characterizes them, how to reflect on balancing them, and how to nurture or cultivate them.

We talk about healthy masculine and feminine energy today. What does that mean? Masculine and feminine energy are the two energetic polarities that we carry within ourselves and that we see within our partnerships, our romantic partnerships. Today I will mainly speak about the aspect of having both of them within ourselves. Notice that this is not related to gender, so independent of which gender you identify with on the spectrum of genders, independent of that location you have parts of masculine energy and parts of feminine energy within you. It has to do with the quality of that energy. The masculine energy is characterized as the structured, logical, targeted and very present and in a way also still, still in being. Like a long deep exhale with a straightforward purpose.

So everything within masculine energy comes with a little more structure. It comes with logical thinking. There is a plan around it. There are some rules around it, or however you want to call them, maybe constraints, maybe you have other words for them – boundaries. And the feminine in contrast to that, the feminine energy is more flowy, more creative, nurturing. The feminine comes with a lot of emotions, it brings in a lot of creativity – to the point where it sometimes can become chaotic. There is some nurturing flowy warmth in there and if the creativity is unbound then it can lead – in the extreme – to a bit of chaos. If the masculine is unbound in its energy, then it leads to very rigid structures. So there needs to be a balance of the two of them.

The first point I want to speak about today is to notice these energies within ourselves. I remember a conversation a couple of years ago at a friend’s house, where there was another one of her friends visiting and she was speaking about a yoga retreat where the teacher had mentioned those masculine and feminine energies.

She said in a very stern voice “I don’t have masculinity in me”. It was such an interesting moment because the way in which she stated it showed exactly that masculine energy that she denied having within herself. The interesting part is when we don’t honor both of those polarities, you can call them yin and yang if you’re not comfortable with masculine and feminine. In the yogic tradition, we call them Shakti and Shiva. It’s the same principles. You find them in different cultures around the earth, for example father sky and mother earth in some of the native American traditions. They are different terms for the same principle.

When we don’t recognize those energies, or deny one of them, then we often find ourselves in imbalance. For example, if I am very much pushing myself, if I always keep pushing “gotta get these things done, gotta move forward, gotta go for it, gotta do all the things”; mission accomplished, next goal to be set and carry forward – and I beat myself up if I don’t follow through on something. If I don’t accomplish a goal that I’ve set, and if i just keep whipping myself into into shape and don’t honor myself for what I’ve accomplished, or don’t take enough rest, then that turns into an unhealthy version of masculine energy.

In contrast to that, if I were to just always float around and be creative here and there and everywhere and be in my emotions very much, in my being state, I would just never get anything accomplished, because I would just always lose track of everything. That would be an unhealthy expression of the feminine energy, when it’s unbound by some healthy masculine energy. So the first point of this today is just notice what in yourself can you find that exhibits your feminine energy and what in yourself can you find that exhibits your masculine energy. What are habits that you have? What are ways how you treat yourself that you would say show those different traits?

The second piece is to consciously activate the part that is currently not there or currently not well expressed. So if I notice when looking at my life, ah, okay, there is quite a bit of unhealthy masculine energy going on – can I maybe change the tone of that voice in my head? So instead of beating myself over the head, to kindly remind myself of things, or if I notice that I am lacking this nourishment of just going with the flow and being in nature and relaxing, that I give myself a dedicated time each week. Notice, there’s the healthy masculine setting the structure of it, and then within that structure allow myself to completely flow with whatever comes through my feminine energy, whatever wants to be expressed creatively, and where I can just be instead of planning. That’s the second piece: nurture what currently hasn’t received enough nurturing, so that you can bring those in balance. 

The third piece is when you have looked at this for yourself and have started nurturing this, maybe become curious about your current or a past primary relationship and how that plays out for you there. I found this super, super interesting when I first learned about this. Look not at cliché roles, but more in terms of ‘Who’s the person that structures? Who’s the person that is more going with the flow?’ Who is more in their masculine energy in this relationship, and who is more in their feminine energy within this relationship? Again, it’s independent of gender, it’s about the qualities that you exhibit and the energy that you live into. So even within a heterosexual relationship there could be a switch that a male partner is more in their feminine energy and a female partner is more in their masculine energy. In homosexual couples that could be either way around, and with any other gender expression again independent. It’s all about how do you live into the energy that you carry with you, and what are the things that you allow yourself to do, and what are the things where you hold yourself back a little? I want to invite you to do some research, in the sense of maybe take it on a walk, let this just go around your head for a little bit. Maybe sit down and journal about it and see what comes through, what comes up – especially, honestly, especially if what I’ve been talking about here triggered you, then that’s a super interesting piece to look at.

With that, quick recap: (1) notice that you have masculine and feminine energy within you and where they’re at in their balance at the moment, (2) what is it that you wish to shift (if anything) to let the masculine become more healthy or the feminine become more healthy, or maybe both of them and (3) reflect on your current and past relationships and how that has played out there for you – who was more in their masculine who was more in their feminine, and how well that harmonized with each other.

I send you a ton of love. Have a beautiful rest of your day, take good care of yourself. I love you. Keep following, let me know what you think of this, I am so curious to hear your feedback.